Pregnant again.

One of the times I sought comfort at my parents during Emma’s first months, I recall sitting on the kitchen worktop, asking my mother to “please remind me how awful I feel right now if I ever mention to you the eventuality of getting pregnant again. Because the only possible explanation to people having several children is that your brain erases any memory of this nightmare.” .

Well, my Mom did not remind me of those words.

And I was right, you forget.

I mean, of course, there are a lot of things you can’t, like :

• the night(s) you spent with your husband, putting this little screaming monkey in all possible positions in desperate attempts to keep it quiet (don’t listen to people meaning to convince you they were always able to calm their little one by lying him on his tummy on their forearm, this is just a LIE)
• the family/friends on visit while you are the ugliest person on earth and the only human being you long to see is the lactation consultant
• the Sunday your husband had to go in emergency search of milk powder, leaving you with the crying monkey, fever and chills
• the time you had to breastfeed on a highway rest area (on a goddamn 40 minutes trip) and hear the horns beeping of some stupid truck drivers
• an acquaintance you don’t like who managed to calm your baby within 5 minutes while you have been desperatly holding him crying for an hour
• the people who told you it was not normal your baby cried so much
• the people who told you it was
• your first dinner out with a friend, leaving the house with tears (tragic rupture), finally relaxing and then discovering huge milk spots on your dress (you forgot to put on some breastfeeding patches)
• the cold rests of pizza you ate alone while your husband and friends chose to have a drink someplace else in order to give you and the baby some quiet
• the incidental sight of your body in the mirror
• the huge fights with your husband because you became a frustrated bitch and he just doesn’t want to understand why.

Guess this one sums it all up.

But if you remember those dreadful moments, you don’t recall the exact feeling.

I mean, you know it happened, and it happened to you, but somehow it seems like, not a dream (aren’t dreams all about feelings), but more like a movie you have watched.
You recall the facts, but you forgot how they really made you feel, deeply.

And as time goes by, you put it under perspective.

After all, if it was hell, it only lasted 3 months.
Then it started getting better.
Ok, not the nights, those needed a year more.
But still, it became real fun, and see what a big girl she became.

THAT is when the thought of having a second baby infiltrates your brain.

When you lower your guard, enjoy the time you spend with your child and how much she enjoys the company of others.
After all, you never wanted to raise an only child.
And what if something were to happen to you? To her?
You are not that young anymore.
Now you are still a bit in the ‘baby vibe’, but will you be able to start it all over again within a few years?

THAT is when you make the decision.

So yes, if everything goes well, Emma will have a little brother or sister within 6 months.

This time I was pretty happy when I learned the news (well you hardly learn it the second time). Now sometimes I wonder how we will manage : demanding job, demanding daughter, demanding demanding demanding… and this “time for yourself” I now know one needs to be a happy good mother.

But motherhood learnt me that everything goes by.

And there will be a time where I may be the demanding one… Guys, would you give Mummy a hug? Please call me when you get there. Are you coming over this week-end?

You make children because you want a family.

It is worth a few years months in hell.

Pregnant too? here are some personal tips for the first months of motherhood (had to read them again, too).